Weekly Highlights for Book Lovers
Plus an essay on giving
Hi everyone! After the weekly highlights, scroll down for a new essay I wrote. I shared it in longer form in Bethesda, MD at an event called “Teach, Give, Inspire Fridays (TGIF).” There are some similar threads in Between Chapters, my upcoming book.
Speaking of Between Chapters, hope you saw there’s a new section of this Substack, one in which we can all share stories, essays, and thoughts to create a communal hub of inspiration, commiseration, and more. All stories welcome. Click here.
Retreats
Two retreats are now on sale!
Saturday, July 25th from 10:30 am - 2 pm: Chicago Retreat. Matchmaker Bookshop in Highland Park, IL; a moderated conversation with me, personalized book recommendations, book signing, and shopping, followed by a 3-course luncheon at DeNucci’s restaurant. Ticket info here.
Friday, October 2 - Sunday, October 4 (with day-pass): Santa Monica Retreat. Meet all the authors in the photo above who will be part of the event! Go to an exclusive movie screening. Eat at private clubs and fabulous restaurants and hotels. Attend panels at Zibby’s Bookshop. Connect! Tickets here.
On Tuesday’s double episode, we’ll tackle love in all its forms with Katherine Center’s The Shippers and Lila Raicek’s The Plunge. Hear from NYT bestselling author Katherine Center about her writing process and why she likes to give away the (happy) ending from the start. Cry with playwright Lila Raicek as she shares the friend she lost and the dark times that inspired her debut novel.
Then, on Wednesday, move to Warsaw with NYT bestselling author Judy Batalion who shares a compelling pre-WWII story of a family in a changing city, in The Last Woman of Warsaw. (The more things change…)
On Thursday, loop in your teens. Get some life advice from Meredith Walker who founded Smart Girls with Amy Poehler in Be Yourself and Other Bad Advice and then laugh along with Adam Mansbach whose unorthodox parenting “advice” has gotten me through a lot. Now he’s back with Go the F*** to College.
Don’t miss these conversations! And watch the “Totally Booked” TV Show on JBS. New episodes every Thursday at 7:30 pm ET on the JBS network. Watch here.
Zibby’s Book Club
Tuesday, June 9th at 7 pm ET: Sarah Damoff, The Burning Side. Register here. (Listen to our podcast here.)
Wednesday, July 22nd at 7 pm ET: Jane Costello, Forty Love. Register here. (Listen to our podcast here.) Used code ZIBBY20 to take 20% off plus free shipping at Zibby’s Bookshop here.
Thursday, August 13th at 7 pm ET: Matthew Quick, Dad, Love, Me. Register here. Order at Zibby’s Bookshop here.
Item of the Week
My dress. On sale for $59.50 at Quince! Click here.
Essay
I was sitting on the floor of my walk-in closet on the pink and white wall-to-wall carpeting, shelves holding my school uniforms and matching sweaters above me, surrounded by reams of wrapping paper. As I folded the holiday paper, my mom’s frame filled the doorway. She was in her white Terry cloth bathroom, fluffy slippers, her long-blood-red nails clutching an ashtray in one hand and a cigarette in the other. It was the ‘80s, after all.
“Zib, are you still making gifts for your Secret Santa? It’s time for bed!”
“I’m almost done,” I replied. Then, like now, once I start a task, there’s almost nothing that can get me to stop it.
She sighed.
“I’m just worried. You’re putting in all this effort. What if the person who gets you doesn’t reciprocate? I don’t want you to be disappointed.”
I stopped and looked up at her.
“But Mom, that’s not why I’m doing this. I care about making my Secret Santa happy. I don’t care what I get.”
I’ve thought back on that fifth-grade moment often, especially now as I watch my fifth-grader make custom 3-D printed Stanley water bottles and search high and low for Needohs in just the right color for his friends.
Why was I like that? Why am I like that now? What is it about me that makes me want to give in many ways from gifts, to philanthropy, to creating a platform for shared stories, to helping people get through tough times?
Well, it could be because of my family. I’ll give them some credit. I’ve watched my parents and grandparents give back in whatever ways they could for my whole life. One grandfather donated a building back to his college where he’d worked his way through just to afford to attend. Another gave the limited income he got from running a neighborhood linens store to children in Israel. My mother spent her time serving on non-profit boards, always running to a committee meeting or coming up with clever events to raise money for causes she cared about. My father, as he built his business, also gave back, his most creative act recently establishing an international program in China for college graduates to build bridges. It could be because they encouraged me to donate my time and money, even $20 from my babysitting money, to organizations I cared about.
So that helped.
But I don’t think that’s exactly why I give back in such a hands-on way.
I’m embarrassed to admit that doing this makes me feel good. It gives me a deep sense of purpose. It gives me a reason why in a world that makes no sense, something I learned early on after losing friends and loved ones. This is why I’m here. That’s what I believe. I don’t sit around waiting for tragedy. But I know that when something happens that needs me to raise my voice or lend a hand, I’ll be ready.
But going back to gift-wrapping. I used to order a lot of gifts online, the blue light of the laptop illuminating my face as I huddled under the covers late at night clicking on Lego and Barbies, ticking off “yes, please, gift-wrap it.” But I realized over time that the kids never saw me shop, wrap, or do any of the personalization I used to take pride in. So I made a choice years ago. I would take them shopping, in person, going to local stores, even a mall in White Plains, where we could all go together, be thoughtful, cross people off our holiday lists, and then lay out all the gifts on the living room floor and wrap them. I firmly believe that that decision has changed how my kids approach gift-giving, especially the younger kids who benefited from my change-of-heart. They’ve caught the bug, the feeling of thinking of others and making them happy. There’s nothing like it.
I feel best when I’m connecting with others, introducing people, looping people in with each other, making people feel — even you— like you’re part of something bigger, which you are. We all are.
Giving money is one thing. But giving time, our most valued resource, is quite another. The gift of paying attention to someone else, that uninterrupted intensity, is spell-binding for both parties. We can all give that. It’s free. It’s readily available. Our attention is the biggest gift and where we direct it makes an incredible impact. So as you go about your day, don’t feel like you should give back or you have to give back. Just give your attention. Try to make someone happy. See what others need. That’s it. I guarantee that in really listening to others, you’ll figure out how to help. No equipment necessary.
My son just finished reading The Giver by Lois Lowry which, to be honest, is a little creepy. Not sure why this is required reading? But anyway. In The Giver, memories are the tool with which members of society are controlled. Without memories, what do we have? Where is meaning and connection? The good news is we can all make our own memories and easily call up the joy and soul-stirring of the perfect gift, whether it’s a beautifully-wrapped candle or an entirely new book. Thinking about what others want and meeting those needs will lead to amazing memories of your own.
So let’s all give a little bit more. A little bit of ourselves. Our hearts. In the end, that’s what matters. Thank you for the gift of your time and attention. I don’t take it for granted. Hope you have a great week, everyone!
Can you plan a retreat for Columbus Ohio please 🙏I visit NYC ( where I am from) often but would love to have an event here. Also in terms of giving if anyone is concerned about violence within Jewish families check out the campaign to help shalom task force -they do such important work ❤️❤️❤️
I really resonate with the idea of wanting to do nice things for others and how good it makes ME feel. I love the idea of demonstrating to your children the effort you put into it- the thoughtfulness of what would make the receiver happy, the gift wrap, instead of simply ordering online. I'll take a note for my future kids :)