Let's Pretend We're Having Coffee

Here's how it might go.

It would’ve taken us 57 emails and 19 texts to plan it. And we would’ve both rescheduled at least twice. But here we are.

We’re probably at one of my favorite coffee shops like Caffe Aronne on 71st and Lex. We just sat down in the back. I’m having my second coffee of the day, drip coffee with skim or oat milk. (My first was within five minutes of waking up, just after taking out and feeding Nya.) You’re having your favorite, too.

When we first met up, walking in at the same time, we gave each other a long, tight hug. I’m smiling, just being with you. Even though a few people I know come over to say hi as we catch up, my eyes rarely leave yours. I am 100% focused when I’m with you. Except when my phone buzzes. It might be the kids. So I peek. If not, back to you.

Here’s how it might go.

Me: So, tell me everything! What’s going on with you?

You: (Fill in your updates.)

Me: (Follow-up questions galore.)

You: How about you? What’s been going on? How are the kids?

Me: Good! Allergy season is killing us. I actually only slept two hours one night this week because one of my kids was up all night miserable. I felt so bad!

You: Same. It’s the worst.

Me: I’ve learned the secret to getting kids through this peak time. Zyrtec twice a day, Flonase twice a day. But some of the kids need prescriptions, too. I prefer Allegra for myself. How about you??

You: I go for Claritin.

Me: You know I’m secretly a doctor, right?

You: Haha. Okay, what about the big kids? How are they? What’s the latest on college stuff?

Me: We’re still looking everywhere. Having two juniors is no joke, as you know. But I think they’ve both decided where they’re applying early.

You: That’s great! Such a relief.

Me: Yes, now we just… pray. Meanwhile, I’m not sure my body can take any more college tours. I’m so out of shape and every tour is like 8,000 steps! I need to recover afterwards. One time I had to put my legs up on the wall to relieve pressure from my back.

You: We are so young and sprightly, aren't we?!

Me: (Laughing.)

You: How’s everything there? You’re always so busy! I actually feel like I don’t really need to ask because I know everything you’re doing from Instagram.

Me: (Laughing) Right? Well, work stuff is great. But there’s so much I can’t post. And I have a few things I haven’t posted about that I’m really excited to be announcing soon but stay tuned.

You: You won’t even tell me?

Me: We’re finalizing some details.

You: Meanie.

Me: (Laughing.) Have you seen my posts about my live podcast show!?

You: Yes! Tell me about it.

It’s super fun and I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of it. I do my podcast on stage, then rush into a tiny AV closet, change my outfit, quickly flip through the next book to remind myself of what I wanted to talk about, and then rush back on stage for photos and filming. I’m really hoping I can sell the whole show to a streaming platform or somewhere so everyone can watch and learn about the books.

You: What about just posting it to YouTube?

Me: Yeah. I’ll probably end up doing that. (Laughing.) But it’s fun doing it like a real talk show with a live studio audience. But I’m learning on the job. The first day the cameras ended up not being high-quality enough so we had to rethink the equipment. I had a Zoom call after with the AV team — they were all in their various trucks and control rooms — and the head guy was like, “Um, usually we don’t plan all these details directly with the talent.”

You: (Laughing) Typical!

Me: Maybe I should’ve had Kyle officially produce it. But he’s been really busy, too. His last project “Late Fame” with Willem Defoe will be premiering at the Venice Film Festival!

You: No way! That’s so cool! Are you going to go!? Italy in August! What a dream.

Me: Depends on the kids. I wish. We’ll see. Now he’s location scouting in Virginia Beach where he’ll be filming in June. I might go there. Not exactly Venice but…

You: Hahaha. That’s awesome. You guys look so happy on social!

Me: Yeah, you know. I’m really lucky. But we don’t show all the stupid stuff. Like, who cares?!

You: I mean… don’t we all want a glimpse behind everyone’s marriage?

Me: I want a glimpse behind everyone’s everything!!

You: (Laughing) Don’t authors get upset when you ask them super personal questions?

Me: I mean, I don’t think so. I ask because I care, not to pry. And I share my own stuff, too. So it’s a conversation, not anything designed to exploit or anything. You know, I just love getting to know people.

You: You probably know me better than anyone!

Me: I hope so!

You: (Haha) But seriously, how are you balancing everything?

Me: I hate that word. I mean, I’m not balancing it. It’s like a have one of those six CD plastic things that I’m putting in the stereo and some days it plays one or two disks straight through, sometimes it shuffles all day between all six. But the music ends up being great. Different every day.

You: Always an analogy.

Me: That’s how I make sense of the world!

You: No, it’s good. Just so you!

Me: It has definitely been a lot lately. I always stack my podcasts in April and May so I can have more time with the kids in June and July when they get off of school and before their summer programs. But last week I think I did 11 podcasts. This week 10. It’s a lot of late night reading.

You: I don’t know how you do it.

Me: I just try to do my best but things definitely slip. I have three different sets of camp medical forms I haven’t finished.

You: Are you still doing medical forms for the twins? Aren’t they almost 18?

Me: Yes. And yes. (Laughing) I know. Want me to do yours, too?

You: Sign me up.

Me: What are you up to for Mother’s Day?

You: Breakfast in bed with the kids. You?

Me: I’ll be at family day at one of the kids’ schools. And then hopefully see my own mom.

You: How’s your mom doing?

Me: Great! She’s fitter and younger-looking that I am.

You: (Laughing) You’re so lucky your mom is still around.

Me: I know. I’m so sorry you lost yours. How are you feeling? Can I help?

You: It’s been almost ten years but it doesn't really get easier.

Me: (Reaching out and touching her arm) I’m so sorry.

You: Thanks, Zibs.

Silence.

You: Well, I always get my sister Mother’s Day gifts. Any good ideas? I feel like I’ve given her everything already.

Me: I do get lots of pitches with fun products. But I don’t know. I really just love giving books. Didn’t you see my Mother’s Day book list on Substack?! Come on, don’t you read my newsletter?

You: When I have time??

Me: Hey!

You: Haha.

Me: Actually, it was so cool.

Anna Kloots

, an author friend, just moved to Substack and recommended mine so now I have like 300 new subscribers.

You: That’s so cool! I should tell my other friends about yours too.

Me: That would be amazing. If you do, I’ll… give you a free book?

You: I’ll take it!

Me: Go back and look at my book list! I got my mom a cute sweater at Frances Valentine. But I still need to get something for others. I really like this beautiful coffee table book Mother and Child from Assouline. But I can’t remember who I gave it to already. My mother-in-law? Step-mom?

You: My brain is gone.

Me: Same. The other day I was literally on the phone with one of the kids and I was like, “Hold on, sweetie. I can’t find my phone.” She was like, “Mom, you’re literally talking to me ON YOUR PHONE.”

You: Ah, middle age.

Me: Can we please come up with a better word? Middle age. Midlife. Menopause. The whole thing sounds so unsexy.

You: I’ll put my team on it.

Me: (Laughing) Same.

You: Are you reading anything good?

Me: I just finished Jennifer Pastiloff’s new book Proof of Life. She’s on Substack too:

Proof of Life with Jen Pastiloff

. I’m prepping Christie Brinkley’s new memoir which is super surprising. In the first 14 pages, you find out she was in a helicopter crash and was abused by her stepfather for years.

You: Seriously!?

Me: Right?! I also really loved Sarah Ruhl’s new book Lessons from My Teachers. It made me cry. I’m going to give this to all the kids’ teachers this year.

You: Oh! Great idea. By the way, I gave your book On Being Jewish Now to the kids’ Hebrew School teachers.

Me: You did? Thank you! So nice of you! Great idea. Oh gosh, I should do that myself. (Laughing.)

You: Can you believe the fires in Israel right now?

Me: I know! I heard it was arson. Did you watch

Samantha Ettus

’s video? Look. (Show video on Instagram.)

You: Ugh, how is this okay?

Me: It isn’t okay. And there are still hostages. I feel like no one’s even talking about it anymore. That and the L.A. fires. When I’m in Santa Monica, it’s so obvious how eerie it is — that both the Palisades and Malibu are blocked except for people with passes who live there.

You: Have you been back to your house lately?

Me: Honestly, I was so traumatized the only time I went up to our house, that I’ve been staying away. Kyle goes, though. Our home is pretty much repaired and even the mountains nearby are green again. But the real thing is that so many homes on our street still haven’t even been cleared. It’s what, four months later?!?

You: That’s crazy.

Me: I know. I hate how people just move on to the next thing. Like, what about everyone who’s lives were changed forever in L.A., Asheville…?

You: Every day it’s something new and terrible.

Me: But also some good news, right? Anything good in your life?

You: (Fill in the blanks.)

Me: That’s amazing!

You: Thanks. Wait, so why were you in People magazine yesterday?

Read here.

Me: So cool, right?! I was freaking out. My photo in People? The younger me would’ve lost it! I’m judging this super cool new writing competition for a writing school in the UK called The Novelry. Have you heard of it?

You: No.

Me: I hadn’t either. Don’t tell anyone. But anyway, they’re offering $100,000 to the winner and you only have to submit a three-page pitch about your book. I’m one of ten judges and everyone else is like a super star.

You: You’re a super star!

Me: Um… no. But that’s sweet. I’m talking like Emma Roberts.

You: Okay, fine. (Laughing.) $100,000? I’ve never written a thing but maybe I should enter!

Me: Go for it! (Laughing.)

You: Any events coming up that I can’t miss?

Me: YES! You should come to the Streicker Center next week when I interview Judy Blume. May 13th at 6 pm ET. I’m so excited about it! It’s virtual too if you can’t come in person.

You: Judy Blume! So fun!! Will you ask her about Forever?

Me: Should I? Ralph?! (Laughing.)

You: Okay, I’ll get tickets.

Info here.

Me: I don’t even know what I have coming up. I need to make a Canva slide and post it today. I’ll do that later.

You: Can’t your team help?

Me: Yes, but you know. I’m obsessed with Canva. Oh, also, if you have time, come to my online Zoom book club with John Kenney. We published his book I See You’ve Called in Dead. It’s so good. I mean, like, seriously good.

You: Okay, I’ll get the book. How do I join the book club Zoom? When is it?

Me: I’ll send you the link. (Link here.) Next Wednesday, May 7th, at 7 pm ET. You get to ask John questions directly if you want.

You: (Looking at his books online.) Ohhhhh, I loved his poetry book Love Poems for Married People. I laughed so hard I cried.

Me: Same! I remember reading the poem, “Why are you in the shower with me?” out loud to Kyle and both of us were just hysterical. John was just on NPR.

You: I read today that funding is being cut to NPR?!?

Me: I saw that this morning, too. Oh my gosh.

You: This world. (Sighing.)

Me: Anyway.

You: Anyway. I better get going.

Me: Same. I have to watch one of the kids’ assemblies online soon. I honestly can’t believe that my last kid will be finishing lower school this year. I flash back to the 14-year-old me who started at the same school in like 1990. I remember what I was wearing! And then I flash back to the young mom me who started the twins there in kindergarten there years ago. I remember going to drop-off one day having just had my third back then, and one of the other moms was like, shocked, and said, “Is that your baby?!”

You: Haha.

Me: Yeah, now here I am with my fourth finishing. I’m like an ancient mom. I was such a young mom for the twins! Just couldn’t get the timing right.

You: Can any of us?

Me: (Sighing.) We plan. God laughs. I’m trying to emotionally prepare myself for my little guy moving up to middle school. The end of an era. How is the time flying like this?!?! When will it slow down.

You: Um… it won’t.

Me: I know, I know. But doesn’t it sometimes feel like we’re all just hurtling through and next thing you know, we’ll look up and it’ll all be over?

You: Thanks for the uplifting message.

Me: No, seriously. How can we slow it down?!

You: Zibs, you know we can’t slow it down. We just have to enjoy it.

Me: But it’s going too fast! I need to play it all on like 0.5 speed.

You: If only.

Me: If only.

You: Okay, we both need to go.

Me: I know. It’s just so good to see you and catch up. I’ve missed you.

You: I’ve missed you, too. Let’s do this again soon?

Me: Yes. Please!

We get up. We hug for a long time. Then we look at each other.

Me: Love you, my dear.

You: Love you, Zibs.

We walk outside. The sunshine is almost blinding. Tulips in the tree beds on Lex. People whizzing by.

Me: Have a great day!

You: You too!!

We walk in opposite directions. Smiling.