This essay is part of the Between Chapters project, inspired by the book. What chapters are you between? How did you get from one chapter to another? Share your story here.
What Chapter Are You…
Leaving:
Having little kids at home during the day.
In:
Stay at home mom, raising big kids.
Entering:
Parenting elementary, middle, and high school kids all at the same time.
Gone are the days of double strollers and sippy cups. Gone are the days of diapers and wipes. Gone are the tiny toes, little hands, sticky faces, and high chairs. Gone are the naps, binkies, and blankies. Gone are the middle-of-the-night feedings and snuggles. Gone are the days that seemed never-ending, when my recovering body was exhausted and overworked.
I didn’t think it would happen, but it did.
Independence arrived quietly, then took over. Good-morning hugs are no longer automatic.
And I miss it.
Now we are in the days of teenagers and big feelings. Now we are in the days of homework, fitting in, and finding their way. Now we are in the days of counting down until moving on and growing up.
It happens too fast.
That’s what they said.
I just nodded my head and rolled my eyes. Did they know the day I had? Potty training was a nightmare. Someone skipped a nap. Someone had an ear infection. The demands. So many demands.
The crying. The endless crying.
Did we lose the binky?
I wasn’t sure I had another day like this in me. And yet, somehow, I did.
But you know what?
It happened.
The realization snuck up on me at 11 p.m., as I scrolled through old photos.
How was that six years ago?
I finally allowed my heart to grieve, something I wasn’t prepared to do. I didn’t realize I was living in a chapter that was about to end.
I never imagined I’d miss those ordinary days enough to give them a name: the gone days.
I wish I could have held onto those little hands just a little longer. Read Snuggle Puppy one more time. Carried my tiny baby in a sling on my chest again.
I was blessed to do these things five times over. Even knowing that my last time would be the last, I still wasn’t prepared.
Now, sitting at the park watching my children play, I cry over feelings I didn’t know were waiting for me. I cry at a park they will soon outgrow.
I’m somewhere in the middle years now, with children in elementary, middle, and high school. Their needs are different, and that’s okay. My heart feels different too. Maybe it’s called being seasoned. Maybe it’s called getting older. But when I see a double stroller or a baby in a carrier, I think of the days that are gone.
It terrifies me.
Because the days I’m living now will become the gone days too.
To experience both is a blessing.
A gift.
If you’re still living inside the days I now call gone, try to cherish them.
You won’t know they’re gone until they are.
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It really goes too fast!
I miss my little girls every single day. But I love these teenage / high school years too. I love your label “gone days”—they flew by so fast it’s head-spinning.