My Dog is Allergic to Cats

And other things I learned this week

“Good news! Nya isn’t allergic to chicken!”

This is the text I got in the middle of a team meeting. Um, yay? We (meaning my husband, Kyle) had taken our black lab Nya to be tested for allergies because of her persistent skin issues. I didn’t realize we’d be getting a full panel. Having four kids and parents with assorted allergies apparently wasn’t enough for this family. Let’s get a highly sensitive dog, too!

I quickly opened the PDF and scanned. Ah. She’s allergic to cats. And sheep. Sheep. Because we run into a lot of those in Manhattan. Now that we know, we’ll be sure to cross the street when we see them. Cross those playdates off the list. And of course, we won’t be feeding her sheep anymore. (Kidding. Who would do that?!) What should she count at night? Penguins? Okay, fine. Sheep. Wool. We’ll take our sweaters off.

And she’s allergic to grass which, unlike sheep, is less avoidable. I imagined two tracks mowed out of the lawn in the shape of her little paws. Move out of the way! Don’t want to risk her having to use the kids’ Epi-pens!

This week I also learned even more ways to spell the name Meghan. Meagan. Meghan. Meaghan. Megyn. Megan. There are more. Wouldn’t life be easier with fewer variations? I’m always typing in a Meghan minefield. Triple checking. And messing up. Am I alone in this?

Of course I learned a lot from my podcasts. For example, I interviewed Katya Apekina (now there’s an easy name, see?) about her novel Mother Doll in which a medium plays a central role. She revealed that she wrote it while taking mediumship classes. You take classes for this! I want to do that. I tried to visualize a classroom filled with aspiring mediums and the spirits being like, “Oh, come on! I’m waiting here!”

But as we were talking, she said that writing often felt the same way. That she was channeling a voice just a like a medium anytime she wrote. And I said, “That’s why people say you have to sit in the chair to write. It’s like you have to put your fingers on the ouija board before the spirits will come.”

Keyboard as ouija board. They’re not all that different. Your fingers go one way or another. You’re often collaborating on the project. You’re spelling out words, one letter at a time. And ultimately, you have to believe in it for it to really work. Somehow that convinced me to sit down and write. Theoretically. Because I still didn’t do it. But I felt motivated nonetheless.

I learned that there’s no limit to the number of times you can refresh your screen to check your Kindle rating and reviews when your book gets selected for the Amazon First Reads program and is suddenly free for a month. Would I be able to give this thing away for free? If not, good lord.

Also, there’s no limit to the number of times you can beg friends to come to a Zibby-verse tour event. (See? Just subtly did it one more time.)

I learned that “Past Lives” definitely deserves that Oscar nomination for Best Picture. Obsessed.

And that the FX show “Feud: Capote vs the Swans” is insanely addictive. Why did they only start us with two episodes?

And I learned — again — that when I’m not feeling well, I’m convinced I’ll never be able to operate at super speed again. That my emails will never get answered. I’ll never catch up. I’ll have to throw in the towel and watch TV and movies all day. And then, I get better and catch up and everything’s fine. Guarantee I’ll forget this again next time.

Finally, I learned that THE James Patterson thinks Blank (out March 1st — pre-order now) is “terrific, funny, and really hard to put down,” and that he would post about it today. And I would freak out.

Really, I learned how happy I am to have Kyle back home again. That’s why I let him record the audio of the essay with me. Listen above.

p.s. If you post a photo of yourself wearing this t-shirt on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (see image below) and tag zibbyowens, stacyigel Stacy Igel , and boymeetsgirl, you’ll get something special in the mail from me. You might have to DM me your address. Order it today while supplies last. (Love saying that. Next I’ll be quoting Crazy Eddie.)