Choosing My Own Bookish Adventure
At the edge of 50, I thought I’d be winding down; instead, I’m finding more paths to follow
This essay is part of the Between Chapters project, inspired by the book. What chapters are you between? How did you get from one chapter to another? Share your story here.
What Chapter Are You…
Leaving:
Being everything to everyone.
In:
Crossroads.
Entering:
Choose my own adventure.
I am turning 50 next year. My youngest starts college in September. My husband just became an early retiree. I have lost 100 pounds and never felt healthier. My book club business is thriving, and my partnerships and community outreach keep expanding.
I am in the sandwich years, with aging parents on one side and kids leaving the nest on the other. There is so much change all at once, and yet, in some ways, I feel like I’m just getting started.
I used to say I could see the light at the end of the tunnel as I looked toward the freedom of becoming an empty nester. I love my kids and the laughter around the dinner table when all of us are together. But part of my role as their mom is to set them free into the world, to let them make their own choices, good and bad, knowing they will always have loving parents to fall back on.
Now that this moment has arrived, with three empty bedrooms in my home and a husband with more spare time, I find myself busier than I ever imagined. My book clubs are all on waitlists. My calendar is booked well into next summer. I thought this might be the year we became very young snowbirds, but I love the community I have built in my little world of books, and I feel a responsibility to continue our monthly gatherings. Plus, in the last couple of years, I have made some of the closest and most rewarding friendships of my life. I am not ready to trade all of that for warmer weather.
I find myself constantly thinking of ideas, ventures, and ways to create meaningful connections. I have contemplated writing a book. I have thought about opening a gathering place for women, with cozy rooms for reading, events, games, conversation, and friendship. I always imagined this would be the stage when I would start slowing down, but my mind seems to want more.
I do cherish the quiet time with my husband, and I want more time for just the two of us. I taught him how to play mahjong so we would be more engaged with one another instead of doomscrolling in silence next to each other on the couch. We have been married for 25 years and still act like teenagers in love.
And so here I am, at this crossroads, trying to balance the desire to slow down with the urge to take on a million things at once. Whatever this chapter may be, I feel deeply fortunate to have my health, my family, my friends, and my community. I am lucky to have so many avenues in front of me and the ability to choose my own adventure.
And who says I only need to choose one?
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